It’s Always Our Chance to Shine

The topic intrigued me. Not because it spoke of our chance to shine, but more as it used the term “Always”. How true it is that every day, every single moment we have a choice, an option, a right – to be happy! And let us just say it’s our birth right, no one gives it to us, no one can take it away from us. Some help achieve it, some become barriers, knowingly, unknowingly, and some don’t care. But if you care enough for yourself and you are willing to do anything it takes and pursue that something which makes you happy, you are going to be an amazingly radiant, shining person and happy person not just at the end of it, but while you are at it.

Without getting into it more philosophically, let me tell you a real-life story. Not of someone who achieved great things in life but of someone who slowly, steadily, gradually, sometimes even unwittingly, unintentionally set out to craft a course that could one day become a fantastic story to be told and re-told.

There was this little, timid, almost negligible little girl, she was messy, absolutely a scared little thing, couldn’t talk without stuttering, didn’t have a dressing sense, came from a simple, broken family and was in a perpetual state of confusion in her mind. Mind you she never did walk a street with plain footwear and not fall. She had no guidance and lost her one parent very early on in life. To overcome the confidence issues, she almost became a rebel in her teenage and soon was doing all that which would give heart burns to any parent today. She smoked at the age of 13, had a boy friend, failed in school, didn’t have many friends, had no clear future graph post school and was not someone anyone liked to be around.

She finished her education, was married off and before she knew what it was to be a matured woman, she was a mother and a daughter in law with a truck load of expectations on her head. She had a job, not a career and she always seemed to have a lot to do and a lot undone. No one seemed happy with her. She wasn’t happy with her. Life to her meant constant tug of war and conflicts with those around her and most importantly with her own self.

This woman today is a successful professional but more importantly a happy joyous person who laughs an infectious laughter and spreads joy and cheerfulness all around. At her first job, she didn’t know the correct way to address a boss, today she is a welcome panelist on the world-famous literature fest. I am sure the journey wasn’t easy, I am sure it wasn’t an unchallenged journey either. In fact, most probably it was a completely doubt ridden, confused, failure-stricken tearful ride. How many times would she wanted to go back into a cocoon, hide away from the world, not be seen, try to be forgotten, believe it was not meant to be, failed, been bruised, hurt beyond words and yet gotten up again to keep trying we cannot say. So how did she get where she is today? And now henceforth will it be a smooth ride for her? Let me share with you some tips I have been able to gather as I look back at her life as to what is the magic potion that has helped her, what is it that has related this absolute metamorphosis.

1. Focus on Self – You have to have to realize that no one else matters but you. If you don’t matter, nothing else matters, no one else can matter. If you are not happy not a single soul around you can be. It’s the law of this universe. Make yourself the focus of your life and the world will notice you.

2. Take Control – No one controls your life, in fact even you shouldn’t, but for sure no one else must. There are people around us who care, who take care of us, who help us grow, but even then, even now and to what is to come we are solely responsible for our lives. So, take control of your life. Your happiness is yours alone to enjoy, your mistakes are again your own to bear consequences of. (Ask for what you want, Say No when you want to, Don’t let fear guide your decisions)

3. Know your strengths, know your weakness – all of us have it. Accept both. Work to improve one, work to acknowledge the other. (Own Your worth)

4. Face your fear – Its mostly an illusion, but to whatever little truly scary fearsome happenings may be in your life, running away from it doesn’t help. Recognize them, seek help if required, work steadily to overcome. Everyone overcomes it. It’s simple math, one worked hard a mountain, he made a path out of it after decades. Even you can. Every fear can be overcome.

5. Seek Help – Its ok to ask for help. Its ok to say, I don’t know, can you help please? Can you guide me. No one has gotten anywhere without help ever.

6. Its ok to give up, not ok to give in – Not all decisions will work. In fact most wont, its ok, stop, take a breath, change direction, seek better ways, make mistakes, many many mistakes, just make sure you make new ones, don’t go round and round in circles, keep at it, you are sure to reach a beautiful green patch, won’t be exact plan you wanted, but it will be close to you heart, its your creation and it will define a radiant you J

7. Have faith in yourself, have faith in your god – this is not to say follow a religion, but follow your instincts, that’s the super power right inside you. You will know what is right for you, what’s wrong for you. Choose a path, dare to walk on it. Success failure are relative things, it’s the journey that’s to be enjoyed.

8. Look in the mirror, If you like what you see, others will. Those who don’t won’t matter anyways.

9. Confidence is not arrogance. It’s the opposite of it. Its basic trait it a calm demeanor exhibiting a happy and self-assured exterior.

10. Let go – Let go of every angry feeling, of the feeling of helplessness. That’s not you. Its alien to you, Don’t make it a part of your life. Every cell is inherently made to be happy, go back to that core. A single, focused pursuit of happiness is the basic goal of human life. This singular pursuit is what will eventually lead to world peace too.

11. Balance – there is no work life balance, there is no family career balance. The balance has to be inside you. Balance doesn’t mean you don’t exhibit those extreme emotions, cry out loud, laugh louder, but eventually come back to the calm well adjusted you. Meditate, it helps. Love, helps better. Let go. Losses are to be grieved. Joy to be enjoyed. Life to be lived. Once you strike a balanced chord within yourself, you will be happy and every balance of things and people around you will be met.

Did the girl in the story follow all of this to perfection, let me tell you she stumbled more that she rose to great glory, she fell, bruised, but she got up again and again and the pursuit continues. Not because she isn’t happy, she is, but it’s the voyage that’s the true exhilaration. We women have this fantastic ability to be sensitive as well as sensible and smart. We must exploit it not only to be happy and blissful ourselves but to give to this world more and more fairy tales, stories of awe and courage, stories of grit and pursuits of happiness, stories of women being successful businesswomen, professionals, important decision makers in the corporate world. Happiness is the aim – every other action as well as inaction can and should fall in line of this pursuit alone.

~ R